An exercise in motivating yourself

As children, we have a natural ability to learn with curiosity, seeing challenges as opportunities.

However, as we grow, we often become focused on meeting expectations set by others—whether family, teachers, or society.

Over time, our motivation to learn can shift from personal enjoyment to a desire for approval. This shift can weaken our ability to self-motivate and make it harder to learn for the sake of learning.

Table of Contents

How do we reconnect with that internal drive?

This exercise will guide you through steps to rekindle your sense of discovery, take responsibility for your learning, and celebrate your growth.

You’ll learn how to view failure as part of the process and build the confidence to face challenges.

The exercise will help you recognize how motivation can come from both internal passion and external influences, while showing you how to strike a healthy balance between the two.

We’ll cover:

Rediscovering intrinsic motivation
Aligning external and internal motivators
Setting goals and defining personal projects
Mentoring and learning from others
Tracking progress to stay motivated
Building resilience by embracing failure
Celebrating achievements and evaluating your growth

Let’s dive in, starting with the foundation of motivation: the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivators.

1. Intrinsic motivation: Finding your internal drive

Intrinsic motivation comes from a deep, personal desire to learn or achieve.

It’s what drives you to work toward something without the need for external rewards.

Intrinsic motivation often shows up when you’re doing things you genuinely enjoy—whether it’s a hobby, a personal project, or learning something new just because it excites you.

Why intrinsic motivation matters:

Intrinsic motivation is crucial because it sustains long-term learning and personal growth.

When you’re internally driven, setbacks don’t discourage you as easily.

You are less likely to give up because you’re motivated by passion, not by the approval or expectations of others.

This mindset also fosters creativity and resilience because you’re exploring areas that genuinely interest you.

Key steps to cultivate intrinsic motivation:

Identify your passions: Reflect on activities that make you feel fulfilled. What do you enjoy doing, regardless of outside validation? Think about the times when you’ve lost track of time doing something.
Ask yourself key questions:

What would I do if there were no external pressures?

What makes me feel engaged, curious, and excited to learn more?

Which activities give me energy, rather than drain it?

Take action: Once you’ve identified your passions, invest time in them.

2. Extrinsic motivation: Recognizing external influences

Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is driven by external rewards such as praise, grades, or monetary incentives.

While this can be useful for achieving short-term goals, relying too heavily on extrinsic motivators can lead to burnout or a lack of genuine fulfillment.

Examples of extrinsic motivation:

Studying hard for a good grade: The focus is on getting a high score, even if the subject itself isn’t particularly interesting.
Working overtime for a bonus: You may not enjoy the extra hours, but the financial incentive keeps you going.
Completing a task to avoid punishment: You finish a project on time to avoid criticism from a boss or teacher, even if you don’t find the work engaging.

The role of extrinsic motivation:

Extrinsic motivators are useful when the task at hand isn’t particularly enjoyable, but the result is important.

However, relying too much on extrinsic motivation can become draining over time.

External pressures can create stress and lead to burnout, especially if there isn’t enough intrinsic motivation to balance and sustain your efforts.

Striking a balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation:

While extrinsic motivation can push you to complete certain tasks, it’s important to balance it with intrinsic motivation to maintain long-term satisfaction and avoid burnout.

Use extrinsic motivators as tools:

See external rewards (like grades or promotions) as tools to support your goals, not as the sole reasons for your efforts.
For example, if you’re studying for an exam, focus on how the material might be useful to your interests rather than just aiming for a high score.

Align external goals with personal values:

Look for ways to connect external rewards to your personal interests or long-term objectives. For instance, if you’re working toward a promotion, think about how advancing in your career could allow you to pursue projects you’re passionate about.
This alignment makes the work more meaningful and less of a grind.

3. Define your project: What excites you?

One of the most effective ways to stay motivated is by working on a personal project that excites you.

Defining a clear goal gives you purpose and a structured plan to follow.

When the project is meaningful and aligns with your interests, it becomes easier to maintain motivation and stay focused, even through challenges.

Why a well-defined project is important:

Purpose: A clear goal provides direction, helping you understand exactly what you’re working toward.
Focus: Breaking the project into smaller tasks helps you stay organized and reduces overwhelm.
Accountability: A timeline keeps you on track, encouraging progress.
Personal relevance: When the project is personally meaningful, it fuels intrinsic motivation, making the journey more enjoyable.

Steps to define your project:

Pick something personal: Choose a goal that reflects your own interests or passions. This could be something you’ve always wanted to try, learn, or improve. Make sure it’s not something you’re pursuing just to meet others’ expectations.
Be specific: Vague goals are hard to achieve. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to create a plan of action. Instead of setting a broad goal like “learn a new language,” narrow it down to something measurable and time-bound, like “be able to hold a 5-minute conversation in Spanish within three months.”
Create a timeline: Set a realistic timeframe to achieve your goal. A deadline provides motivation and keeps you focused, but it should be flexible enough to accommodate learning curves and unforeseen challenges.

Example: If you’re learning guitar, set a two-month timeline to learn specific songs rather than expecting to master the instrument in a short period.

Break it down into steps: Break your project into smaller, actionable tasks. This makes large goals less daunting and allows you to celebrate progress along the way. Each step should feel manageable and build toward the larger goal.

Example: If your goal is to complete a 10k run, start by running shorter distances, gradually increasing your mileage each week.

4. Mentoring: Seek guidance

Why mentorship matters:

Experience and expertise: Mentors have been through similar situations and can share what worked for them, helping you avoid common pitfalls.
Accountability: Regular check-ins with a mentor help keep you focused and committed to your goals.
Perspective: Mentors provide an outside view that can reveal blind spots, offering suggestions or strategies you may not have considered.
Encouragement: When you hit setbacks or feel stuck, a mentor can remind you of your progress and help you push through tough times.

Benefits of having a mentor:

Practical knowledge: A mentor can teach you techniques, methods, or insights that would take much longer to learn on your own.
Networking opportunities: Mentors introduce you to resources or people that can further support your growth.
Personal development: Mentors don’t just guide you on a specific skill or project; they help you grow in confidence and resilience, building long-term success habits.

How to find a mentor:

Identify someone with relevant experience: Look for mentors who have expertise in your area of interest. This could be someone in your professional field, an expert in a hobby you’re pursuing, or even a peer who has excelled in something you want to improve in.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help: Many people are happy to mentor others, but they may not offer their guidance unless asked. Be proactive in reaching out, whether through networking events, social media, or within your own community.
Be open to feedback and challenges: A good mentor will challenge you to step outside your comfort zone. Be prepared for constructive criticism and new ideas that may push you beyond your usual limits. Growth happens when you’re willing to embrace these challenges and adjust your approach.

Tips for building a successful mentoring relationship:

Set clear expectations: Discuss the frequency and nature of your interactions upfront. Will you meet weekly, monthly, or on an as-needed basis? Be clear about what you hope to gain from the relationship.
Be receptive and proactive: Actively listen to your mentor’s advice and take initiative in applying it. Share your progress and challenges openly so your mentor can provide better support.
Express gratitude: Acknowledge your mentor’s time and effort. A simple thank you goes a long way in fostering a positive, long-term mentoring relationship.

5. Track progress: Celebrate small wins

Long-term goals can feel overwhelming, especially when progress is slow or setbacks arise. An effective strategy to stay motivated is tracking your progress and celebrating small victories along the way.

Tips for tracking progress:

Create checkpoints: Break your goal into smaller steps and celebrate when you complete each one. Apps like Trello and Strides can help you visually organize tasks and milestones.
Keep a journal or log: Track what you’ve done each day or week. It’s satisfying to see how far you’ve come. Google Keep and Habitica allow you to log progress in a fun or simple way, offering both note-taking and habit-tracking features.
Reward yourself: After hitting a milestone, reward yourself with something enjoyable, like a day off or a small treat. Coach.me and Way of Life are great for setting up habit streaks and offering reminders, helping you stay accountable while rewarding progress.

Example of a progress log:

Date	Goal	Progress Made	Next Steps
Week 1	Learn basic guitar chords	Learned A, E, and D chords	Practice switching between chords
Week 2	Improve chord transitions	Can switch smoothly between chords	Add strumming patterns
Week 3	Combine chords with strumming	Mastered basic strumming patterns	Start learning a simple song
Week 4	Learn first song	Played first song fluently	Work on adding dynamics and speed

Why celebrating small wins matters:

Reinforces your progress: Celebrating small wins gives you a sense of satisfaction along the journey, rather than just at the end. Each win provides positive reinforcement that your efforts are paying off, which strengthens your motivation to keep going.
Boosts mental well-being: Recognizing and celebrating achievements, no matter how small, triggers feelings of happiness and self-worth. This positive emotional feedback makes the process of achieving your goals more enjoyable and fulfilling.
Builds resilience: Celebrating small victories helps build resilience by teaching you to focus on progress, rather than perfection. Even when you face setbacks, recognizing incremental gains keeps you moving forward and reduces frustration.

6. Confidence in learning: Embrace failure

Failure is part of the learning process, but it’s easy to let setbacks damage your confidence. Instead, view each failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every time you fail, you gain insight into what doesn’t work, which gets you closer to figuring out what does.

Strategies for embracing failure:

De-personalize failure: Don’t let failures define your self-worth. Instead, treat failures as separate events or outcomes, rather than seeing them as reflections of your abilities. This separation helps you stay emotionally detached and better focused on problem-solving, rather than feeling discouraged.
Practice self-compassion: Learning to be kind to yourself in the face of failure is key to maintaining confidence. Instead of being critical, practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that failure is a shared human experience. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes can help reduce feelings of inadequacy and shame.

Tip: After a setback, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve learned, then acknowledge the effort you put in and decide how to improve next time. Be as encouraging to yourself as you would be to a friend.

Set learning goals, not just outcome goals:
Instead of focusing solely on end results like grades, test scores, or project completion, set goals around the learning process. When you prioritize the skills and insights you gain along the way, failure becomes less discouraging, and your motivation shifts toward improvement rather than perfection.

Example: If you’re learning a new language, focus on becoming more comfortable speaking, even if you make mistakes, rather than achieving fluency within a specific time frame.

7. Celebrate achievements: Reflect and evaluate

When you reach a goal, it’s important to take a moment to celebrate and reflect. Evaluation helps you appreciate your growth, understand what strategies worked, and identify areas for improvement.

How to reflect effectively:

Evaluate your journey: Look back on the entire process and ask yourself key questions: What helped you stay on track? What obstacles did you overcome? How did you adapt to challenges? Reflecting on both the successes and the struggles provides a balanced view of your growth.
Celebrate your success: After achieving your goal, take a moment to reward yourself. Whether it’s through relaxation, sharing your accomplishment with others, or simply acknowledging the hard work you put in, celebrating is a crucial part of reinforcing the effort you invested.
Plan for the next challenge: Use what you’ve learned from this experience to set new goals. What will you do differently next time? How can you apply what you’ve learned to your next project? Planning your next steps after reflecting on your achievements keeps you focused and eager to continue growing.

Final thoughts

Motivating yourself is an ongoing process that requires balance and reflection.

By understanding the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivators, setting clear goals, seeking guidance from mentors, tracking progress, and embracing failure, you’ll build a mindset that keeps you learning and growing.

Always celebrate your wins—big or small—and stay curious about where your learning journey will take you next.